In fifth grade, I was awarded a certificate for being "Optimistic". I beamed with pride as I stood before my class, then I went home and asked Mom what optimistic meant.
Many changes have evolved between fifth grade and my last semester of graduate school--including the character awards. In the past week, I've realized the newest reputation I've been building:
Irresponsibility
It's not pretty.
It's also not true.
If you put me up against the wallpaper of the American culture, I perfectly match the design of irresponsibility: I only keep busy six days of the week instead of seven, I complete school assignments with mere minutes to spare, I lose important things, I fall asleep in class, I'm 10 minutes late to my externship, and I've never seen a 4.0 GPA on my report card in my life.
When the world says busyness, perfection, and work are life's priorities, I fall short like an anvil in the ocean. But I am not of this world. God has spent the gap between Optimistic and Irresponsible transforming me into a new person--He's changed the way I think. I grow more capable each day to discern His good, pleasing, and perfect will. (Romans 12:2).
God purposefully created our bodies to require rest. America shouts at its people to defy this instruction: Work 7 days a week. Don't sleep, just drink coffee. Don't eat, you're prettier that way. Don't rest, you're lazy.
I rest. Rest enables me to perform at 100% for God. Without rest, I'll just be a permanent 65%-70%. I don't want to settle for a 70% life. Yet, God's version of 100% is not America's idea of 100%. My desires lie outside of the nine-to-five job, the money-earning mindset, and the straight-A goal. I'm okay with a part-time job. I'm happy with a limited savings account. I have no problem earning Bs.
Why?
Because my school/job/to-do list/internship is not my life. In between those things, I write novels, I learn how to enjoy the Bible, I celebrate marriage with my husband, I learn more about God, I create dreams, I cultivate passion, I find purpose....
Who cares if I'm voted, "Most likely to be late to graduation"? The only harm done is that my chair is cold for 5 extra minutes. Maybe I'm late because I wrote a new scene in my novel. Maybe I prayed a little longer. Maybe my husband surprised me with flowers and I wanted to put them in water before leaving.
I'm not late because I'm lazy. I'm not a B-student because I'm careless. I'm not last-minute with school projects because I procrastinate.
These things happen because my life is filled to the brim with more than just work, money, and brilliant reputation. My cup overflows, but not with the American Dream. I don't want to live in a box. So deal with it, America. You call me irresponsible, but I'm living a 100% life and loving it.
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