Invader

The following is a rather unique entry from my old journal, written February 21, 2011:

I have an invader.
He's taken siege over my mind and is setting up his armies to overtake my heart. You told me he's one of Your men, but I still didn't give him permission. How dare You give him leave to attack? I've spent years building my defenses. I've gathered all the materials--rock, stone, fire. I built the fort myself and then I gave You the password and You let this invader in! I told You no one. No one is allowed in. You didn't listen. You never seem to listen.


Now the invader is in my mind. His spear pokes at every thought that crosses my threshold. He never sleeps and has the audacity to swim in my dreams. His words line a bookshelf in my eyelids and I'm forced to re-read them every time I close my eyes.


I feel him fishing in my heart. His hook is sharp--I know You gave it to him. Only one of Your hooks could pierce me like this. I see You whispering tips on fishing to him sometimes--and he's already skilled. You're the best and he's a quick learner. That's not fair. I can't believe You're giving him lessons. I feel my walls growing weaker. Is that what You want?


But then...this invader is different. I think he has walls, too--walls to which only You know the password. Sometimes I try and peek over them. Sometimes I sneak a glance at the invader himself. He's intriguing. And...he's spreading with the speed of a virus--like a smile. Before long, I'll have to let him completely in if I want to keep any remnant of defense. *sigh* I thought I was invincible, but because of You, I'm being defeated. Because of You I'm forced to endure something...

...beautiful.

 

Funny how God works. Now, I will be marrying this invader in three-and-a-half months. And it is beautiful.