Just a Spoonful of Clarity

I've recently become an enormous fan of the bucket list. It's a term used by many, but I didn't seek out its definition until last summer. Someone said to me, "Any other bucket list things in your near future? You're racking up the accomplishments in Olympic record time."

I thought, That sounds like a compliment. So I typed into Google, "bucket list". A website reeled me in where people make a bucket list filled with "things to do before they kick the bucket". My fingers went flying. Out popped desires I never knew I had, such as "be a flashmobber", "visit Hobbiton in New Zealand", and "go to Antarctica". I also sneakily wrote things I'd already done just so I could check them off (and return to browse them later with a big head).

Soon, after letting the selfish desires run-wild onto a list of wishful thinking, I settled into more serious thought. Does God have a bucket list for me? If so, what does that look like? Many people think it looks something like this:

• Burn down [...insert your name's...] house to rid him/her of worldly posessions
• Send [...Nadine...] to a hut in Africa for sixteen years of sweaty, bug-ridden, mission work
• Keep {...Nadine...] away from fun stuff that she may enjoy too much.
• Give [...Nadine...] a job she hates (it's good for building character).

I forced myself to look past the distasteful (and untrue) imagined bucket-list of God. Once I returned my focus to His character (which is not vindictive, over-judgmental, or cruel in any way) He doused me with a spoonful of clarity.

He doesn't focus a lot on the "what" in the bucket list. In fact, I doubt He cares very much if I blow $10,000 on a cruise to population-less Antarctica or visit Hobbiton in New Zealand; instead, He snags His world-renowned scalpel and digs through the bucket list tattooed on our hearts until He reaches the tiny whispering 'why' hiding in the dark corner.

Why do I want to go to Antarctica? Why do I want to visit Hobbiton? Why do I want to be a flashmobber or a published author, or an Olympian?

When we have a why we birth action. When we have a what we're just pregnant with dreams. 

Sometimes we wait too long for a what from God:

"What am I supposed to do with my life?"

"What is my purpose?"

"What job am I supposed to pursue?"

"What am I supposed to do now that I've graduated?"

"What do I do now that the kids have left the house?"

We wait. We wait for a what while God sits beside us scribbling more whys into a letter we call The Bible. When we find a why, the what transforms into a new desire. 

I have a long list of odd talents that some people attribute to blood, lifestyle, and/or ambition. Snowboarding, writing, drumming, playing piano, etc. I just enjoyed them as pleasures until I found some whys.

Why? I want to glorify God.

Suddenly snowboarding turned into race-training, writing turned into a novel about living, and drumming turned into a part-time job in Christian concerts. My "talents" turned into visions, passions, and purpose. I've never felt more alive than when I define my life with whys....God's whys.

Everyone's why looks a little different. Everyone's what looks a little different. For those of us just "waiting" (outside of an obvious command to wait), we need to stop. The bucket list doesn't come to us. Search for the whys. Not the obligated, I'm-a-Christian-so-I-have-to-think-this-way why, but the heartfelt why that God is writing just for you--to stretch You, to fill You with joy, to kindle excitement and life. 

For those of us who have found the why and defeated the stagnant pull of waiting, we need to share. Share through actions, words, stories, writing, whatever. Sharing reveals the life that others are trying to observe. Maybe all it takes is writing out an already completed bucket list and taking a look at why you did them. You may just end up swallowing a spoonful of clarity.

photograph borrowed from The Midnight Orange