Mirror, Mirror, on the wall.
Make me slimmer, make me tall.
Make me who I'm not at all.
The person I see in the mirror is a distraction. She never lets me see who I really am, instead she bullies the Internal-Nadine and makes her sit in the corner while she points out minute flaws that can only found in a pamphlet of the world's imperfections.
There are many days when I feel beautiful until I look in the mirror. Then my focus slips from my head like jello down a windowpane. I forget that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). I forget that God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). I forget about the part of me that matters. All I see are my silly flaws sticking their forked tongues out at me.
"Well I think you're beautiful."
You're my mom/sister/best friend, you have to say that.
"Who you are inside makes you beautiful on the outside."
Yes, but that doesn't count.
Why doesn't it? Who was the first to stand up and say, "The inside of a person is a cheap card. That's a given."? Whoever it was must have been a great orator because the world believed them.
My old roommate, Julie, and I owned a shoddy full-length mirror our senior year at college. It sat propped on an overturned shower-caddy, draped with a tacky curtain that we couldn't fit over our single window. The mirror had warps and flaws in all the right places. No matter how groggy, frumpy, or grungy I felt, "the mirror" fixed it all. Just a glance in its spotted, smeared pane turned an XXL sweatshirt and holey sweats into a cute, flattering, study outfit. We were always thin and perfectly curvy in the mirror. No one was allowed to move it.
You and I both know it's reflection was fake. It didn't show how I really looked, but the confidence booster was enough to push me through the day with a smile. So why was I content with a lie that I didn't even believe?
We don't look in the mirror to see if our make-up is even, or if our hair is smooth, or if our smile looks genuine. We look into the mirror to judge ourselves, to fix already perfect things, and to tell God He messed up. To ask, "Hey, did You mean to make my nose crooked?" or "Did You know that my teeth aren't even?" or "This is the wrong skin. You misread my order."
If I had a choice, would I choose to be beautiful on the inside or the outside? Why can't I have both? Because one comes from the other, no matter what the world says. The inside transforms the exterior of a person. I know many people--men and women--who are far from super-model-stipulations, but they exude beauty beyond external understanding. Their beauty fills my soul. It makes me see God's creativity.
That is real beauty. It's not a "cheap given", but we've tainted the view of internal beauty. Inner beauty is Christian phraseology that allows us to judge actors and actresses. It's an excuse that helps us ignore our discontentment with our looks. We're missing the point (as we usually do). Internal and external beauty are holding hands, but we must talk to Miss Internal before we can understand Miss External's language. Then, and only then, will we see the whole. We're stopping at the exterior when the interior is screaming for recognition.
To uncover internal beauty takes effort. We're a lazy world. No wonder we resorted to easy fading beauty. Internal beauty transforms the exterior--we just need to put forth the effort to know each other. You'll rarely find deep beauty in first impressions. It comes through deeper searching. Through quality time. Through things that our hollow culture avoids.
We're a superficial nation not because we focus on the external, but because we're ignoring the internal.There are many days when I feel beautiful until I look in the mirror. Then my focus slips from my head like jello down a windowpane. I forget that I'm fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139). I forget that God looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). I forget about the part of me that matters. All I see are my silly flaws sticking their forked tongues out at me.
"Well I think you're beautiful."
You're my mom/sister/best friend, you have to say that.
"Who you are inside makes you beautiful on the outside."
Yes, but that doesn't count.
Why doesn't it? Who was the first to stand up and say, "The inside of a person is a cheap card. That's a given."? Whoever it was must have been a great orator because the world believed them.
My old roommate, Julie, and I owned a shoddy full-length mirror our senior year at college. It sat propped on an overturned shower-caddy, draped with a tacky curtain that we couldn't fit over our single window. The mirror had warps and flaws in all the right places. No matter how groggy, frumpy, or grungy I felt, "the mirror" fixed it all. Just a glance in its spotted, smeared pane turned an XXL sweatshirt and holey sweats into a cute, flattering, study outfit. We were always thin and perfectly curvy in the mirror. No one was allowed to move it.
You and I both know it's reflection was fake. It didn't show how I really looked, but the confidence booster was enough to push me through the day with a smile. So why was I content with a lie that I didn't even believe?
We don't look in the mirror to see if our make-up is even, or if our hair is smooth, or if our smile looks genuine. We look into the mirror to judge ourselves, to fix already perfect things, and to tell God He messed up. To ask, "Hey, did You mean to make my nose crooked?" or "Did You know that my teeth aren't even?" or "This is the wrong skin. You misread my order."
If I had a choice, would I choose to be beautiful on the inside or the outside? Why can't I have both? Because one comes from the other, no matter what the world says. The inside transforms the exterior of a person. I know many people--men and women--who are far from super-model-stipulations, but they exude beauty beyond external understanding. Their beauty fills my soul. It makes me see God's creativity.
That is real beauty. It's not a "cheap given", but we've tainted the view of internal beauty. Inner beauty is Christian phraseology that allows us to judge actors and actresses. It's an excuse that helps us ignore our discontentment with our looks. We're missing the point (as we usually do). Internal and external beauty are holding hands, but we must talk to Miss Internal before we can understand Miss External's language. Then, and only then, will we see the whole. We're stopping at the exterior when the interior is screaming for recognition.
To uncover internal beauty takes effort. We're a lazy world. No wonder we resorted to easy fading beauty. Internal beauty transforms the exterior--we just need to put forth the effort to know each other. You'll rarely find deep beauty in first impressions. It comes through deeper searching. Through quality time. Through things that our hollow culture avoids.
Let that sink in. It's not because of our focus on the external, it's because we choose to ignore the internal--it's too complicated. Too time consuming. Too raw. Too real.
But everyone wants to be known. Everyone wants to be seen--really seen.
God has made me beautiful. He's given me a deep beauty. I know this because that beauty is Him. He is inside me and He is ultimate beauty. I distract myself from Him by reading the world's list on my mirror.
Mirrors aren't bad. It's my reflection that needs a firm spanking. I can't see past it, so I'm taking Internal-Nadine out of the corner and we're putting Reflection-Nadine in time-out.
No mirrors.
I'm covering each mirror in my apartment until my heart remembers I'm beautiful. My head understands, but that's not enough--not enough for me and not enough for God. I won't look into a mirror again until I'm certain my heart will see God's creation.
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2 comments:
covering mirrors is a very good idea indeed! As I was telling you I feel like I won't get my body back after having my children but later I was thinking..is that not just a losey excuse not to try to make myself happy with what I look like? I struggle with my weight. A LOT! I have for quite a few years. Your definitely not alone in this journey
Oh my love. You are so beautiful!!! I remember when we first hung out and your inner-self was shining through. So bubbly, so fun, so ready to watch Count of Monte Cristo. :) Never forget it!! I have definitely struggled with this too. It really wasn't until becoming a Mrs. that I truly understood the meaning of real beauty. Knowing that someone looks at me in all my sweats, greasy hair, no make-up glory and truly sees my beauty is pretty much amazing. And to think that with God it is so much more! A-ma-zing! Thanks for the post love. :)
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