Yesterday: the day before a giant test. Without fail, that day found me the most inspired to write, the most passionate to read about God, and the most anxious to devote time to those I love. Yet the only thing I was allowed to do was study. Or were my priorities off? I would have loved to ditch schooling and spend the day doing those three things with every ounce of zeal inside my veins. God calls me to do those things with my life, but He calls me to schoolwork as well. Sometimes I wonder if Satan is the one flaring up those desires in me every pre-test day...just because he knows I can't give in to them. Or maybe it's just the stress of a test that brings to mind the things I really find important and the areas my focus really needs to stay. Who knows?
Today: the day of the test. I wake up sick, sleep-deprived, and haven't studied near as much as the test demands that I do. YET...I feel like a drop of helium fire, floating and weightless with crackling passion for Christ. I'm always startled when I wake with instant passion, soul-drenching peace, and the contacts of hope in my eyes. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing really matters except for Him. I want nothing but joy and glory for His name.
I wish I could bottle this feeling up and control it in a way--spend a little each day. When it comes out of the blue like it does today, I just want to know HOW so that I can make it happen again. I'm calling it God's test-day gift. This isn't the first time this has happened on the day of a big test. God knows that my brain shuts down if I panic, so He fills me with unexplainable, giddy calm. In fact, an hour and a half long test given by the strictest professor in my department almost sounds...fun. I want to laugh.
Possible explanations:
1. I'm crazy.
2. It's God.
3. I'm crazy about God
.
Today: the day of the test. I wake up sick, sleep-deprived, and haven't studied near as much as the test demands that I do. YET...I feel like a drop of helium fire, floating and weightless with crackling passion for Christ. I'm always startled when I wake with instant passion, soul-drenching peace, and the contacts of hope in my eyes. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing really matters except for Him. I want nothing but joy and glory for His name.
I wish I could bottle this feeling up and control it in a way--spend a little each day. When it comes out of the blue like it does today, I just want to know HOW so that I can make it happen again. I'm calling it God's test-day gift. This isn't the first time this has happened on the day of a big test. God knows that my brain shuts down if I panic, so He fills me with unexplainable, giddy calm. In fact, an hour and a half long test given by the strictest professor in my department almost sounds...fun. I want to laugh.
Possible explanations:
1. I'm crazy.
2. It's God.
3. I'm crazy about God
.
Which one could it be? (That's a rhetorical question) ;) Back to studying!
Oh Christ, my Lord, You have been my dwelling place in all generations. As rabbits to their rock, so I run to You for safety; as birds from their wanderings, so I fly to You for peace. Chance and change are busy in my little world of nature and men, but in You I find no changing or shadow of turning. I rest in You without fear or doubt and face my tomorrows without anxiety. Amen.
--A. W. Tozer (The Knowledge of the Holy)
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